February 17, 2019
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I just read an article about a new study in the journal 'Child Development' which shows how yelling, hitting and using verbal and physical threats as punishment could negatively impact a child's ability to succeed in high school and college.
This supports previous research which showed how hitting children can lead them to be more aggressive and to suffer from mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.
I'm sure the egg heads who did this research have all sorts of data to support these conclusions, and dozens of case studies of poor, corporally punished children who grew up to be muggers, dog thieves and insurance salesmen. But I think there is also a case to be made for measured, conscientious and compassionate physical violence toward children.
I mean how else are you going to teach them right from wrong and really make it stick? Say you have a six-year-old who likes to push little girls down on the playground. Which is better going to teach that behavior is wrong; ten minutes sitting by himself or a good working over with a telephone cord?
The secret to a long life. Why didn't I think of that?
I remember the first time my dad caught me smoking, he looked me right in the eye and told me if he ever caught me smoking again he would break my arms.
That's the kind of love that 'time outs' just can't convey.
Of course, it didn't really work on me. I smoked cigars almost daily up until about ten years ago (but he never caught me again, I'll tell you that much). So I guess there really is some credibility to not beating your kids.
But on the other hand, kids are going to be kids and sometimes you just fucking have to.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: firstname.lastname@example.org
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The blonde turns and says, "No, it's toothpaste this time you nosey bitch!"
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A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem: The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of her species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.
So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $100?
Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss the gorilla."
"Second, you must never tell anyone about this."
The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
Ed stated, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the hundred bucks."