October 18, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
The assholes at CNN are pissing me off. I just read an article from them titled "Work less, live longer".
They were citing a research study from someplace called NYU Langone Health which stated that working more than 40-hours a week has a negative impact on your health, while working fewer hours each week could help make you healthier.
They also quoted a study published in the Journal Psychological Medicine which found that working more than 55-hours per week was associated with symptoms of anxiety and depression among people ages 44 to 66 who were employed full-time.
Those who worked less had a lower risk of those symptoms.
The conclusion was; work less, get more sleep, and spend more time with friends and family and pursuing leisure activities and you'll live longer.
Who was the Isaac fucking Newton who came up with that? You hear that everybody? Just knock ten or 20 hours off of your work week and you'll live a lot longer. Don't worry about paying your mortgage. Who needs heat? Or electricity? Or insurance? And food? You're probably a fat-ass anyway.
When I adopt this new, leisurely lifestyle I'll be sure to send CNN my wife's credit card bills, the insurance premiums and the boy's tuition invoices.
I'll be too busy living life to a ripe, old age, to worry about that shit.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: firstname.lastname@example.org
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"Florida police arrested a woman this weekend in a storage unit facility after she had assaulted her husband during an argument over which sex position is best. She had argued for missionary, while he had argued for 'in a storage facility.'" -Seth Meyers
There I was standing in a bar in New York and this little Chinese guy comes in and stands next to me.
I said to him, "Do you know any of that martial arts stuff, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says, "No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinee?"
"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer you slanty eyed little prick."
"You can now take at-home STD tests. Healthcare experts say it's perfect for anyone who likes to panic in the comfort of their own home." -Jimmy Fallon
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after the kids buried him in the backyard we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick bastards out there!"
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