THE DAILY GROANER - July 4, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

First, Happy Independence Day! Second, all of the jokes in today's issue are July 4th related, so we got that going for us.

And lastly, I had the weirdest dream last night. That's right. Ol' Stevie is gonna tell you about another one of his bizarre dreams.

So there I was in bed, minding my own business, when suddenly, I began to envision a world in which people survived solely by eating board-game pieces. Monopoly, Clue, Scrabble, Sorry!, Candyland, you name it! All fun and all food.

You'd think Candyland would be the most delicious, but you would be wrong. Life is the most enjoyably tasty of all the games. The cars, the tiny peg people, I'm talking 5 Star quality here! I don't know why. It just is.

The dream wasn't much beyond that. Just eating and playing, playing and eating. It was like I was 5 years old all over again. It felt so real!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I have to pass a Wrench, a Charlie Horse, and a Hotel.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- We Are All Free --*
The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. 'We live in a great country,' she announced. 'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.'

Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'



*-- Funny 4th of July Slogans --*
Red, White, and Boom!

Sorry, I Can't Hear You Over All This Freedom Ringing

Star Spangled Hammered

Party Like It's 1776

Too Cool for British Rule

Here To Get Lit

Four Score and Seven Beers Ago...

On a Scale from 1 to America, How Free Are You Tonight?

Ain't No Party Like an American Party

I Love The Smell of Liberty in the Morning

Fireworks, Baseball, and Beer, Oh my!

Drink Booze & Light the Fuse

Being American Is Awesome. The End.



*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?

A: One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.


Q: How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America?

A: Because freedom rings.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives