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THE DAILY GROANER - July 2, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

It was so hot over the weekend. That got my brain cookin', in more ways than one.

I come up with a few clever ways to keep cool and avoid all of the fun that comes from practically bursting into flames, which wouldn't be fun...unless you're the Human Torch.

1. Fill your bathtub up with ice cubes and frost from the freezer, jump in, and play 'Defrosting Caveman.'

2. Cover your naked body in ice cream sandwiches. (Simple, Delicious, and, in many instances, Sexy! Mostly scrumptious.)

3. Spend a little time in a meat locker and if anybody asks you what you're doing there just ask them, "Where's the Beef?" or just start punching the sides of beef like Rocky. (Great for keeping cool and getting into shape.)

All great ideas, according to me, I've been out in the sun a lot. Just beat the heat and stay cool...why am I so sweaty?

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Where Are Your Glasses? --*

A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, "Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses."

"Well, I have contacts," the woman replied.

"Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer. "You're getting a ticket!"

*-- Gotta Light? --*

There are three guys in a boat with four cigarettes. They have no matches or anything and were trying to come up with a way to smoke their cigarettes.

"I got it!" said the one guy as he threw one of his cigarettes overboard.

"Why did you do that?" yelled his buddy.

To which he replied, "To make the boat a little lighter."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What do you get when you cross a lobster with a baseball player?

A: A pinch hitter.

Q: How do you turn a stallion into a pig?

A: You marry him.


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