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THE DAILY GROANER - June 4, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

It was Sean's birthday on Saturday. He is now three years old which means he has to start looking for a job. Maybe some temp work. I think it would do him some good.

I still can't believe he's three. Where does the time go? He was only two a few days ago.

He's my little buddy and no matter how big he gets he always will be.

Happy Birthday, Sean!!!

Groaningly yours,

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Jump In The Pool --*

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

*-- Great One-Liners --*

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?

A: A Boo-logna sandwich.

Q: Did you hear the story about the peacock?

A: It's a beautiful tail!

*-- Reader Comments --*

Open up, sir! It's the Grammar Police! We've had complaints about your misuse of the word "golfer" when it is clear you meant "gopher." Possibly you could pay your "poof" readers a proper wage to avoid future visits from us. Our commander, Captain Otto Korrect, enjoys your column but he does have limits regarding spelling and grammar. Now, on the other side, if, in fact, you DID mean "golfer," then we apologize since that there's funny right there. I don't care who ya are.
[Sorry, but I did mean to write "golfer" in the column, but I am impressed by your response time and attention to detail. Thanks for reading and offering me your feedback. Well played! And, hey, get your friends to subscribe. People could really use a laugh, or groan, these days.]

you think too much, Steve
[I hope you didn't write that with a straight face.]


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