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THE DAILY GROANER - February 15, 2017

Good Morning Groanies,


It seems like every week we get a new drug advertised on television that not only show a couple in outdoor bathtubs watching the sunset during the commercial, but we get a long list of unbelievably dangerous and bizarre side effects.

The drug always helps with one problem, but then... some who have used this drug have developed the following side effects like... gopher flu, weepy nipples, toenail retraction, hair aches, lazy neck, heel widening, the chili farts, phantom belly button, anaconda attack, out of tune meat whistle, checkered rectum, werewolf-ism, burnt toast smell, evening vision, de-caffeinated cankles, sea legs, poo particles, llama pox, droopy chin, fuzzy bag... and the list goes on.

After listening to five minutes of side effects I think you'd be better off with the problem that got me to look into the medication in the first place, but then again I am not a doctor; even though I play it on occasion.

Groaningly yours,
Steve


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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Don't Juggle This Up --*

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"



*-- My Mistake --*

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."



*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: When two snakes marry, what do their towels say?

A: Hiss and Hers.


Q: How can you identify a smartass?

A: He's the one with the wise crack.

***

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