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THE DAILY GROANER - January 23, 2017

Good Morning Groanies,

Things have been a little crazy for the last few months. We had the holidays, the kids got the flu, a new president was elected, I had a pair of surgeries, the Chicago Cubs won the World Series; the list goes on and on. How have you been?

I hope that the craziness calms down this year. The family and I could use a little break.

On a positive note, Jack is doing great in school; writing his name and practically full-on reading. He's smart as a whip, and remembers just about everything said or done in his presence...except for flushing the toilet, washing his hands, turning off the light, etc.

Sean, at 19 months, learns and uses 5 new words a day. Today it was heavy, chair, Vadar (as in Darth), careful and zombie. At this rate, he's gonna know every word by Thursday. He's so quick.

Stacy is working hard molding the youthful minds of America. God help her.

As for me...more about that in future issues. Right now, I'm tired.

Groaningly yours,

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Get Out of This House --*

A wife was screaming at her husband: "Leave! Get out of this house!" she ordered.

As he was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So he turned around and replied, "So now you want me to stay?"

*-- Worst Pun Ever! --*

Historians have recently discovered that Annie Oakley, famed sharp-shooter of the Old West, had a sister.

The sister, Carrie, gained some renown in her day as a singer in various saloons throughout the West, but it was not until after her death that she was very widely known.

Today, countless bars are dedicated to Carrie Oakley.

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Who does the ocean date?

A: It goes out with the tide.

Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose his job?

A: Because he couldn't control his pupils.


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