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THE DAILY GROANER - January 11, 2017

Good Morning Groanies,


I was really stressed out last week. I was so stressed in fact that I was having all kinds of stress dreams, but there was one in particular that really stuck with me.

I dreamed that pants pockets had been outlawed for some reason so naturally everybody had to store their valuables in their belly buttons. So day after day I had my wallet, keys and cellular phone in my belly button. It actually work much better than pockets ever did. It was quite comfortable. I thought that this is what it must be like to be a kangaroo. It was kinda cool. So from then on it was belly button storage for all.

The only real drawback from this new storage process was that your cell phone would smell funky after a while. I considered using a fanny pack to avoid the smell, but then I woke up. What a nightmare!

There's nothing scarier in my book than fanny packs.

Groaningly yours,
Steve


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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: How does a lumberjack start his computer?

A: By Logging On!


Q: What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

A: Board!



*-- The Toughest Time of My Life --*

I had the toughest time of my life.

First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis.

Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.

Then they gave me hypodermics.

Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.

These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis.

I completely lost my memory for a while.

I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.

I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had."



*-- More Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why do surgeons wear facemasks?

A: So if they make a mistake, no one will know who did it.


Q: How do you kill a circus troupe?

A: Go for the juggler.

***

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