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THE DAILY GROANER - January 4, 2017

Good Morning Groanies,

I think this is the first year that I haven't heard anyone going on and on about New Years' Resolutions. It's been nice.

Personally, I think they're crap. People just need something to talk about after the holidays are gone; maybe something to brag about.

If you want to improve yourself, your health, the way you look at life, the way you live your life, then more power to you, but that's for you. I don't need to know. Just do it for you. Don't do it for an ice breaker during an awkward cocktail party.

There's enough mindless yammering in the world. Let's all quiet down and keep something to ourselves for once. Wouldn't that be nice?

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- A Big Difference --*

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.

"OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce."

"Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake."

"Surely there must be some difference between the two women." the judge said.

"You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor. That's why I want the divorce."

*-- Stage Drama --*

During a performance for the high school drama class at the local theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee. He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theatre shouted: "Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?

A: A pachydermatologist.

Q: Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of trousers?

A: In case he got a hole in one.


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