Powered By
THE DAILY GROANER - January 2, 2017

Good Morning Groanies,

Happy New Year, yesterday! The new year has begun, and it seems that love is in the air. No, seriously.

A co-worker was telling me about a first date that she went on over the weekend. She mentioned a few weird things that the guy had said and did, probably out of nervousness, that almost ruined the date.

I got to thinking, there are times when saying the wrong thing can ruin an otherwise wonderful evening; I know from experience, dude. Here are a few of those "wrong things"...

1. Are those real?
2. Did you know that you look just like my mom?
3. Wanna take a shower with me?
4. Guess what I was in jail for?
5. Did you just fart?
6. Would you like to know who's in the urn?
7. Did you ever wonder what human flesh tastes like?
8. Would you like to hear about my alien abduction?
9. Do you let your dogs watch you do it?
10. You don't hear voices, do you? Me neither, a couple of times.

These questions will surely guarantee that you would not be eligible for a second date, but then again the world is a strange place.

Groaningly yours,

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: How did the telephone get married?

A: In a double ring ceremony!

Q: What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?

A: A Minnie van!

*-- Preparing For Landing --*

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

*-- More Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What kind of dance can you do on a trampoline?

A: Hip hop!

Q: Why did the kid start a gardening service?

A: He wanted to rake in some cash!


Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives

Top Viewed Issues