Powered By
Bizarre News - September 28, 2016

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I guess the moral of this story would be; be careful of what kinds of women you meet on the Internet. I realize that the Internet has desensitized us to a lot of what used to be considered bizarre, but when your date starts stabbing you during foreplay, you should be thinking to yourself that you made a bad call.

Maybe I should start this story from the beginning.

An 18-year-old Arizona man traveled to Milwaukee, Wisconsin by bus to meet a woman he met online. Two days later a police investigation began after cops responded to a report of a possible stabbing. Officers found the Arizona man bleeding from the neck, arms and back.

He told cops that after arriving at the home of a woman he met online, he was bound and was stabbed numerous times over a timeframe of what he described as two days.

A blood trail led police to a third floor apartment where they spotted a large amount of blood on the floor and on bedding in a bedroom. They also saw duct tape, which was fashioned in a manner that appeared to be a restraint.

While at the apartment building, police were approached by Rebecca Chandler, 22, who stated, "I think you are here looking for me." Chandler told cops that she had engaged in sexual relations with the Arizona man "and that the cutting was consensual but that it got quickly out of hand."

As it turned out young Rebecca and her roommate--whom she identified only as "Scarlett"--are Satanists.

You can almost picture it in your head. The young guy shows up to find two women instead of one. Suddenly they say they want to tie him up and he starts thinking he has scored a very kinky jackpot. But over 300 cuts and stabs later he was probably reconsidering.

In a post on his Facebook wall after he was released from the hospital the man offered a one-word update: "stitches."


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis

*-- Police question bridge-crossing clown when umbrella is mistaken for gun --*

MOUNT PLEASANT, S.C. - Police in South Carolina questioned a bridge-crossing clown after a 911 caller mistook the costumed character's umbrella for a gun. Mount Pleasant police said a witness called 911 Wednesday to report a man in full clown regalia was crossing the Ravenel Bridge and appeared to be carrying a gun. "It appeared to be a male, but he had full face makeup on dressed like a clown," the caller told 911 dispatchers in records obtained by WCIV-TV. "It's a thing, and it's a little sketchy, and he appeared to have a rifle underneath his right arm. Could have been something else." The caller attempted to describe the clown's attributes, but had a difficult time through the clown's costume and makeup. "When I looked, my impression was that's a crazy ass 50-some-year-old perv. I mean, I can't give you anything solid on that," the caller said. "To look at him, he looks all rainbow. I think from the front there's more color." The caller made a second pass across the bridge to get a better look at the clown. "They won't miss him. He's half red, half yellow, and... OK, I'm sorry that is absolutely an umbrella he is carrying, not a gun," the caller said. "Oh I'm glad I was able to verify that. I'm sorry that I guessed that wrong. Like I said, I just saw the wooden part and said what I thought it was." Charleston police arrived and shut down the right lane of traffic to speak with the clown. Officers said the man wasn't up to any funny business and was crossing the bridge in costume as a tribute to a recently deceased clown comrade. The clown was allowed to finish his walk. "He's just a clown walking across the bridge," Mount Pleasant Police Inspector Chip Googe told The Post and Courier. "He said he was paying tribute to another clown that had apparently passed away or had some other troubles."

*-- Colorado woman stabbed by her knife-loving dog --*

HUDSON, Colo. - A Colorado woman hospitalized with a cut on her arm told authorities she was accidentally stabbed -- by her dog. Celinda Haynes of Hudson was rushed to Platte Valley Medical Center on Wednesday with a 4-inch-long gash in her arm. Suspicious hospital workers contacted authorities when Haynes told them she was stabbed by her dog, Mia. "She's lovable," Haynes told KDVR-TV. "She'll kill you with kindness." Haynes said the incident began when Mia grabbed a freshly sharpened pairing knife in her mouth with the blade pointed outward and down. Haynes said she attempted to use treats to entice Mia to drop the knife, but the canine decided to bring her "new toy" along for the ride. "When [Mia] went over to eat the treat, she ran the knife across my arm and cut a big old gash about four 4 inches long," Haynes said. Deputy Zach Johnson of Hudson's Marshal Service said he was stumped when the call came in from the dispatcher. "When dispatch said that there was a person who was stabbed by a dog, I had to make sure I heard that correctly," Johnson said. "Of course, my initial thought was, 'What's really going on here?'" Johnson said deputies investigated the suspected domestic violence, but settled on Mia as their sole suspect in the case. "Obviously, we're not charging Mia with anything because she's a dog," Johnson said. Haynes said her arm is healing while she tries to figure out a way to deal with Mia's fascination with knives. "[Mia] even pulls them out of the knife block," Haynes said. "Anything for me to chase her, she'll do it."


Lewis, I've never heard of squirrel dumplings but squirrels are good eating, fixed the way my Mom did, fricasseed. She said that during the depression we they always had meat on the table, either fish or squirrel. Dad would alternate weekends, fishing and hunting. I was too young in the 30's but remember eating plenty squirrel and fish during the 40s and 50s. --Lawrence
[Well, the way things are going in this country I think we're all going to enjoy regular helpings of freshly caught fish and squirrel.]

Lewis, I totaled my car too when something scary dropped from the rearview was my ex-girlfriend's panties! Ha-Ha-Ha! --Gene
[You're a sick man, Gene. I shudder at the thought of what's in your glovebox.]



Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News Archives

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS

Top Viewed Issues