THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Aug. 21st 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

I love writing this newsletter. It's fun, it allows me to vent and make others laugh. The best part is when I receive reader comments, whether they be raves or criticisms.

Here are a few comments I got recently from readers just like you. They made my day.

Hey Steve,

I was just reading what you had said about how a million different things were racing through your head, and that when Stacy placed her hand on your back, sending a sense of calm through your being that allowed you to go back to sleep. Your final sentence, though, that "it's amazing what the little things can do" that prompted me to make a simple observational comment.

That's what she said.

It's-the-motion-of-the-ocean-ly,
Rick

[Rick, you are a sick puppy. I wouldn't expect anything less from my readers.]

Your comments about your family today were so sweet. Thanks for sharing that.
Barbara in Arlington, TX.

[Barbara, thank you for reading and sharing your comments.]

Thanks to all for reading! You keep me going.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- That's Irony For Ya! --*
I bet I could quit gambling.

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

It's not my fault I don't take responsibility for my actions.

As I said before, I'll only say this once.

This statement is false.

Don't you hate rhetorical questions?

God, I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!

Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!

The creation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

I can resist everything except temptation.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Never believe generalizations.

Avoid alliterations always.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Thank God I'm an atheist.

Just say NO to negativity.


*-- Smooth Operators --*
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on.

The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".

The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".

The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.

The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on politicians."

The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked why.

The fourth surgeon replied, "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

A: Fingernails.


Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast?

A: Lunch and dinner.

***
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