THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Sept. 10th, 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

I was getting gas the other day. When I went in to get a soda and pay I noticed an elderly woman trying to get some prize money from her losing lotto tickets.

The cashier told the woman that her tickets were all losers. The woman responded with this, "Are you calling me a loser? I'm not a loser. I'm a winner. You're just doing this to me because I'm old and you think that I'm stupid, but I'm not. I'm smart because I watch the History Channel and the Learning Channel. I know more than you I'm sure. I know that I won. I want my winnings."

"Ma'am," the clerk said. "I checked your tickets, you didn't win any money."

The old lady came back with, "Oh, is that so? I think that you're wrong. I know some of the numbers were right. I won."

"Ma'am," the clerk said again. "I checked your tickets, you didn't win any money. I'm positive. Now, if you don't buy anything I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

The she said, "Okay, I'll take $20's worth of winning lottery tickets then." And then they sold them to her.

If I had known that all I had to do was make a scene like a crazy old lady to get winning lottery tickets I would have done that years ago. Is that common practice now? Where have I been?

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Looking for money-savings tips, information helpful to women, and some good-natured fun? If so, take a moment or two and check out the Mommy Blogroll to the right and visit some of the best "Mommy Blogs" online.

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Jokes? Questions? Comments? Email Steve


*-- You Don't Wand to Park --*
So there's this Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot.

This continued until he put up the following sign: "This parking space belongs to the Wizard...Violators will be toad."


*-- The Taste of Money --*
My neighbor's young son swallowed a quarter, a dime and a nickle. He was rushed to the hospital.

The next day I asked my neighbor how his son was doing, and he replied, "No change yet".


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What time do ducks wake up in the morning?

A: At the quack of dawn.


Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A twig.

***
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