THE DAILY GROANER - April 27, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

Once again. What the hell does that even mean?

I never understood why people use that during a speech. They usually use it when saying something like, "Once again we are gathered to witness another blabbering blabbity-doo."

"Once Again" is an oxymoron, is it not? It's part of the tradition of putting two terms together that have no business being anywhere near each other.

You may remember such classics as... jumbo shrimp, deafening silent, military intelligence, sweet sorrow, organized chaos, Icy Hot, non-dairy creamer, mutual differences, mandatory options and head butt.

I'll keep my rant to a minimum today because they do tend to get pretty ugly.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Watch Time Go By --*
Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps.

The second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter.

The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.

"How did you do that?" asked one of his friends.

"My watch is 30 minutes slow."


*-- It's What's For Dinner --*
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother, 'Don't eat it, it's an asshole!


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: How many people are there in Rio?

A: At least a Brazilian.


Q: What do snakes put on their kitchen floors?

A: Rep-tiles!

***
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