THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, April 9th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

I was stressed out last week. I was so stressed in fact that I was having all kinds of stress dreams, but there was one in particular that really stuck with me.

I dreamed that pants pockets had been outlawed so everybody had to store their valuables in their belly buttons. So day after day I had my wallet, keys and cell phone in my belly button. It actually work much better than pockets ever did. It was quite comfortable. I thought that this is what it must be like to be a kangaroo. It was cool. So from then on it was belly button storage.

The only real drawback from this new process was that my cell phone smelled horrible whenever I used it. So then I had to learn to text message. Then I woke up.

What a nightmare! Learning to text messaging is the worst. There's nothing scarier in my book.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- Refuse to Serve --*
A one-wood golf club walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer but the bartender refuses to serve him.

"Why not," asks the club.

"Because," he says, "you're the designated driver."


*-- The Chicken and the Egg --*
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?

A: Just in case they get a hole in one.


Q: Why does the sky cry?

A: Because it's blue.

***
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