THE DAILY GROANER - March 23, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

Jack is a huge fan of hamburgers. If he could he would eat a hamburger for every single meal. Recently, we asked him what he wanted for dinner and he said, "I want a hamburger and ice cream from Coonie Wiggles." Stacy and I couldn't look at each other without laughing. It was so cute and hilarious. But what the heck is Coonie Wiggles?

It seems like Jack has his own language at times and it's great if you know what he's saying.

Here are a few examples of Jack-Speak...

Computer is Pewter

Music is Mewget

Mac 'N Cheese is Shell New News

Phone is Shown

And Culver's is Coonie Wiggles

Believe me, it was such a relief to figure out what Coonie Wiggles meant. Now, we have to figure out what a Lighty Qwee is or are or was. Wish us luck!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- The Old Lady's Handbag --*
I was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a hell of a fight and wouldn't let go.

I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything.

I finally decided that I should help.

She was a tough old bird, but the three of us finally got that handbag.


*-- Bizarre Colonoscopy Humor --*
Are you ready for some bizarre colonoscopy humor? Well, if you are... give me no sign. Great! Enjoy these jokes and feel free to use any of them the next time your doctor takes home movies of your keister.

[A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies.]

"Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

"Can you hear me NOW?"

"Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

"You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."

"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

"Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

"Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?

A: Seasoned troopers!


Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

A: Climb up and tree and act like a nut.

***
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