THE DAILY GROANER - March 17, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

Top o' the Morning to ya! It is St. Patrick's Day! Or as I like to refer to it as 'Pretend you're Irish, get drunk, and embarrass yourself in public day'.

Most of you lovely readers, like me, will return home after a hard day of work and discover schools of drunken party-goers celebrating their Irish heritage by drinking beer, domestic, flat, warm beer until projectile vomiting on roads, sidewalks, driveways, porches, pets friends, themselves, many pairs of shoes, in open cars, and in mailboxes.

Don't get me started on what these boozers would consider a suitable toilet during the festivities.

Oh, and how could I have forgotten about throwing caution to the wind and getting crazy naked with little people dressed up as leprechauns which will end with swift tazing from the fuzz and more uncontrollable barfing like an Olympic medal is at stake.

Oh, man! Today is gonna be awesome! Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Hungry For Love --*
A wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. You don't love me any more...."

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you cook better now."


*-- I Will Grant You One Wish --*
Pat and Murphy out fishing and the boat motor dies. After two days and drifting miles from the coast, they find a bottle in the water. Pat rubs the bottle and a genie poofs out.

"I will grant you one wish," says the genie.

Without a thought, Pat says, "I wish to turn the sea into Guinness."

The genie says, "Your wish is my command," and the sea turns into Guinness.

Murphy yells at Pat, "You fool! Now, we'll have to pee in the boat!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?

A: Because they're always a little short!


Q: What's long, green, and drunk?

A: The St. Patrick's Day Parade!

***
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