THE DAILY GROANER - May 6, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

This month is going to be crazy. Not only is it Jack's birthday month, but there's Mother's Day, our Wedding Anniversary (Stacy and me), and Future Baby will most likely become Present Baby (His due date is June 2nd, but I think he'll be early.)

First up is Mother's Day. Oh, Mama! Who doesn't enjoy spending a day celebrating mom's special day with your family? Usually this occasion involves barbecue, looking at awkward family photos, prying Sudoku out of grandma's hands so she will visit, wearing uncomfortable dressy clothes, talking about my embarrassing summer at ventriloquism camp, watching Aunt Karen's wig fall off into the potato salad, digging up the yard in search of treasure, and then entering an arm wrestling contest at the local biker bar to wrap up the festivities.

What? Taking mom out for a nice dinner and giving her flowers just don't cut the mustard in my family. You gotta make things memorable... enough that the cops have to get involved.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- You Gotta See The Baby --*
There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teen-age daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later, delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child.

"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."


*-- You've Got No Ears! --*
Three guys go in for a job interview, all at the same office. The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer says, "What's the first thing you see when you look at me?"

The guy says, "That's not too hard, you've got no ears."

The interviewer says, "That's it, get out, you'll never be seen around here again."

The second man takes his turn and is asked the same question. The applicant replies, "Uh, you've got no ears."

The interviewer throws the guy out, cursing and yelling that he'll never get a job with his company.

As he is leaving, the second guy warns the third guy, "Listen man, whatever you do, don't say he hasn't got any ears. He's so touchy with the ear thing."

"Okay," said man #3 on his way into the office. Once inside he is told, "Name the first thing you notice when you look at me."

The guy answers, "That's easy, you wear contacts." The interviewer was flabbergasted, "How on earth did you know that, son?"

"What? Are you stupid? You can't wear glasses, you've got no ears!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What happened when a dog sneaked into the flea circus?

A: He stole the whole show.


Q: Why do mermaids wear seashells?

A: Because B-shells are too small and D-shells are too big.

***
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