THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, July 4th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

I used to enjoy going to the doctor, but the older I get the more it has become an unpleasant experience.

I remember when I was a precocious youth my doctor's office was a fun place to be. I enjoyed all of the nifty little devices that the doc had in the exam room. The stethoscope was the best! I even enjoyed all of the tests and procedures like taking your temperature, getting weighed, taking your blood pressure, checking your reflexes, listening to your heart and lungs, and so on. And then after all of that he'd tell you that everything looked good and you're healthy as a horse. Good times, right?

Now, at the age of 30 (and with the mental age of a much much much older gentleman), I find myself nervous about an approaching doctor's visit. I think it's because as you get older you get to experience more specified tests and procedures that are always LOOKING for something. It's like an internal scavenger hunt and they won't let you see the list of obscure items they're searching for. And the older you get it seems that the majority of these sought-after items are believed to be residing in your butt. Like it's a smelly safe deposit box or something.

As a kid, after the doctor examined me I would get a sucker for my troubles. Now, he gives me one of those blow-up doughnut things. Growing up is a pain in the ass.

And, before it escapes my mind, have a Happy 4th of July!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Questions? Comments? Email Steve

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+-- The Check Out --+
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."

+-- Not-So Beautiful Boy --+
There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teen-age daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later, delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child.

"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."

+-- Q and A Quickies --+
Q:What do you call a haunted wigwam?

A: A creepy tee-pee.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?

A: Unplug it!

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