THE DAILY GROANER - December 24, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

Well, since Christmas is tomorrow I am as excited as kid the night before Christmas (I know that was a lame analogy, but I'm too excited to think of a clever one). The best part of Christmas is that I get to do all of the following:

1. Annoy My Relatives
2. Eat Beef Sandwiches For An Entire Week
3. Open Gifts (and then demand there better be a gift receipt)
4. Drink Buckets Of Egg Nog
5. Sing Christmas Carols Off-Key
6. Watch "Die Hard" (The Best Christmas Movie EVER!)
7. Not Wear Pants (A Personal Favorite)
8. Go To A Party and Try On Other Partygoer's Coats
9. Ask Random People If They Know Where My Pet Monkey Is At (By the way, I don't have a pet monkey; maybe next Christmas)
10. Talk In An English Accent For No Apparent Reason (That has nothing to do with Christmas, but it is a fun time!)

I look forward to the holidays like most people do. I hope that your holiday celebration is as wonderful as mine. Have a great holiday, a Merry Christmas and I'll talk at you before the New Year.

And remember, nothing burps better than egg nog...well, maybe bacon.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Knock, Knock... --*
Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Yule

Yule who?

Yule have fun during the holidays!


Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Donut

Donut who?

Donut open until Christmas!


*-- She Never Used It --*
Two men were talking about Christmas gifts.

Elzy said, "I am not going to get my mother-in-law a gift this year. I gave her a gift last year and she never used it."

Elmo asked, "What did you give her?"

"A cemetery plot," Elzy replied.


*-- Can You Give Me A Hand? --*
Father Christmas' sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, "Can you give me a hand?"

"Sorry," the motorist replied. "I'm not a mechanic, I'm a chiropodist."

"Well, can you give me a toe?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why do reindeer wear fur coats?

A: Because they look silly in snowsuits!


Q: What is a parents favorite Christmas Carol?

A: Silent night!

***
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