THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, April 4th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

Stress can do so many things to your body and mind.

It can make you tired, irritable, hungry, thirsty, hyper, nervous, achy, fatigued, restless, fidgety, cry, scream obscenities, laugh hysterically for no apparent reason, bark like a dog at delivery people, shave your head, fill your bathtub up with peeled bananas and skim milk, engage in a staring contest with a squirrel, make a suit out of your living room carpeting, watch a silent movie with the television muted, build a replica of the Washington Monument out of burn toast, hide pudding in your medicine cabinet, clean your gutters while naked, order a pizza and then eat the box it came in...

Stress can make you do all sorts of things. I'm a little stressed. Can you tell?

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- I Won't Dance With A Child --*
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."

"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."


*-- Where Are You Going? --*
A policeman pulled a blonde over after they'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What illness did everyone on the Starship Enterprise catch?

A: Chicken spocks!


Q: What did King George think of the American colonists?

A: He thought they were revolting!

***
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