THE DAILY GROANER - March 12, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

I was racking my brain trying to come up with a column for today's issue when my wife help me out.

She asked me if I had writer's block and I told her I had it in a big way. That's when she said without hesitation, irony, or humor that I should write about making my own sausage. Yes, you read that right.

Now, keep in mind that I have never said, thought, or acted in any what that would allow another human to consider the possibility that I would in the future acquire the knowledge and then use that knowledge to engage in the activity of making my very own sausages.

What my lovely wife said to me was straight up crazy talk. But I know that she's not crazy. So what would possess her to think and say such a thing? I hope possession has nothing to do with it.

Well, thanks for the column, honey. We're always there for me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to see if there's a gas leak in the house.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Hey Lady, You Are Really Ugly --*
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."


*-- I Got A Cookbook Once... --*
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

A: Stuck!


Q: What day do chickens hate most?

A: Fry-days!

***
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