THE DAILY GROANER - October 5, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

Now that we're in October you feel the crisp Autumn air and thoughts of Halloween drift in and out of one's mind. It's a great time of year, isn't it?

Then, you make the mistake of heading to the grocery store, really any type of store, and you are pummeled with the sight, smell, and taste of pumpkin.

Why the hell does pumpkin have to be in every single product that you can buy, wear, use, ingest, smell, and see?

Do we really need pumpkin cereal, pumpkin candles, pumpkin bread, pumpkin soap, pumpkin air fresheners, pumpkin doughnuts, pumpkin coffee, pumpkin soup, pumpkin water, pumpkin deodorant, pumpkin suppositories? It's endless as it is ridiculous!

If I hear one more cretin say that they are so happy that Pumpkin Spice Lattes are back I'm gonna scream like a banshee and fill their mailbox with pumpkin guts!

The only thing that should have pumpkin in it besides a patch is pumpkin pie! That's it! That's all we need! That's all we've ever needed! Stop pumpkinizing everything!

As far as I'm concerned that's gourd abuse. And gourd abuse is wrong.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- The Cow and the Pig --*
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage...


*-- My Wife Is Selling Drugs --*
I think my wife is selling drugs!

Yesterday I was running a little bit late for work and the phone rang. I answered it. Before I could say anything a male voice on the line said, "Hey, honey is that DOPE gone yet?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why was Cinderella not very good at boxing?

A: Because her coach was a pumpkin!


Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?

A: With a pumpkin patch!


Q: Why do jack-o-lanterns have stupid smiles on their faces?

A: You'd have a stupid smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!

***
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