THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Aug. 24th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

My brother told me that he is currently searching for a new job. He asked me about, when creating a resume or filling out an application, what he should put down under "special skills". I drew a complete blank. But then when I thought back to my post-college days when I was on the job hunt...

Whenever I saw "special skills" on a job application I would always put down that if I strip down to naked I will be able to count to 21.

I always hoped that the interviewer would never bring it up during the interview because I'm not a bragger, however it does come in handy every now and again, especially at the blackjack tables.

I can also bark like a dog in Portuguese. I don't get to use that as often as you think. Oh, and I can arm-pit fart in dolphin.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

Now You Can Follow the Daily Groaner on Twitter: DailyGroaner

*-- Aren't You Hungry? --*
A rabbit and a lion come into a bar together and order martinis. The bartender puts out a bowl of peanuts, a bowl of popcorn, and a bowl of pretzels, which the rabbit begins eating. The lion just sips his martini.

"What's the matter?" asks the bartender of the lion. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Don't be silly," the rabbit answers. "If he were hungry, do you think I'd be sitting here?"

*-- Did You Hear About The Guy...? --*
Did you hear about the guy in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre?

After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

*-- Just Some Chickens --*
There were two rednecks walking toward each other down the street. One of them was carrying a sack. When they met up, the other redneck asked, "Whatcha got in that there sack?"

The redneck with the sack replied, "Just some chickens." The other redneck said, "If I guess how many chickens are in that there sack, can I have one?"

The redneck with he sack answered, "I'll give ya both of them if you get it right."

So, the other redneck thought and thought, and he finally said, "Five?"

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?

A: A pachydermatologist.


Q: Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of trousers?

A: In case he got a hole in one.

Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives