THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Jan. 11th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

On the radio I heard that the Chicagoland area is expected to get a few inches of snow near the end of the week. Then, I overheard some of the folks that work in the building express their excitement for the projected forecast. "Oh, it's going to be great. I love when it snows. It's one of my favorite things," the one useless lollygagger cheerfully blabbed. Oh, really! Is it one of your favorite things? You know what? Snow Stinks!

Snow is only fun and wonderful to the following people - if you are under the age of ten, you are under house arrest, or if you're the proprietor of an all-natural sno-cone establishment. That's it.

Snow is a huge pain in the ass. You have to shovel it, snow-blow it, put down salt (in case of ice), drive in it, walk through it, brush off your car, dry your dog off after he takes a crap, dress you kids up like tiny stuntmen... it's horrible.

Old Man Winter can suck it and he can stick all of that snow expected this winter up his wrinkled old ass! Although, the snow does look nice when it covers all of the trees. Well, I guess I should reassess my stance on snow.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- First Hospital Visit --*
A backwoodsman was making his first visit to a city hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now."


*-- Let Him Be Done --*
There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.

After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."

And the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one ma'am, I'm glad it's done too!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Where do cows go on their first date?

A: To the moo-vies.


Q: Why did the talking bird join the air force?

A: He wanted to be a parrot-trooper.

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