THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, April 15th 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

It's tough to get anything accomplished around the house when you have an 11-month-old tearing through it like the Tasmanian Devil after guzzling a case of Red Bull.

Over the weekend something did get accomplished that should have months ago. Stacy and I, with the help of my parents, finally got our house baby-child-kid-proofed, whatever you want to call it, within an inch of its life.

Almost every cabinet, drawer, door, stairway, toilet and closet has some kind of latch, lock, or hook on it that's guaranteed to keep our young, precocious Jack from getting into mischief and tomfoolery.

Now the problem is that I can't unlock or get anything open if my life depended on it. The baby gate we installed so Jack can't fall down the stairs works like a charm, but now I can't get out of the basement and I'm hungry and I really have to pee! Safety has its price.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- How Many Women Can a Man Marry? --*
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asks him: "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen!" replies the little boy.

His cousin laughed and asked how he knew this. "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up! 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!"


*-- What Is This? --*
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "What is this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.

"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Did you hear the one about The man who had feet on his butt?

A: Every time he sat down, he stood up!


Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E and has thousands of letters in it?

A: Post Office.

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