THE DAILY GROANER - October 7, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

I forgot to take my cell phone to work the other day. And after freaking out trying to remember where I had left it I realized that it was chilling out at home on the kitchen counter. Whew! What a relief.

As the day went on I missed my phone less and less. Sure, I couldn't call Stacy, look at the pictures of my kids, or check the IMDB app to find out the actor's name that played Clint Eastwood's partner in the first 'Dirty Harry' movie, but sometimes I feel that your phone tends to focus your attention on other things that aren't all that important; Facebook, Candy Crush, Instagram, Twitter, etc.

I'll be able to talk with Stacy when I get home, and play with my boys, too. And I know it was Reni Santoni as Chico in 'Dirty Harry', who doesn't? I don't need a phone to remind me of my family and other things. I think the phones weaken our minds.

How many phone numbers and addresses can you remember? What time is it? What's the date?

To answer these questions all you need is strong memory, or an address book, phone book, watch, clock, or a calendar. But now that I got that phone I don't have to remember a thing because the phone is here to remember it for me... that is until the machines rise up and overthrow the humans and dolphins - oh, it's gonna happen and the dolphins are not gonna be happy. Trust me, I speak dolphin.

Our world is ruled by rectangles. It's sad, but true. Why can't we be ruled by a circle, like a pizza. I'd really be okay with that.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- I Deserve A Raise --*
The boss had listened in sympathetic silence as Mario went through the reasons why he needed, and felt he deserved, a raise. Then, with a compassionate smile, the CEO patted he younger man on the shoulder. "Yes, Mario," he said kindly, "I know you can't get married on the salary I'm paying you... and some day you'll thank me for it."


*-- SPOON! --*
A patient tell his therapist: "I feel awful. I feel like a spoon all the time."

The therapist says: "sit still and don't stir."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What's a bee's favorite song?

A: Stinging in the Rain.


Q: What do you get if you cross a turtle with a porcupine?

A: A slowpoke.

***
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