THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Jan. 16th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

Ya know what's weird? When you wear the same clothes for an entire week you begin to have trouble remembering what day it is. Is it Wednesday or is it Saturday?

This happens to me at least six or seven weeks out of the year. Today's Monday, right?

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- Good News, Bad News --*
Two asparagus are walking down the road when one is hit by a car. The other goes in the ambulance with his friend, sits in the emergency room, waits for some news.

A doctor comes to him. "I have good news and bad news. The good news - he'll make a full recovery. The bad news - he'll be a vegetable for life."


*-- Patients at the Pool --*
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you get when you cross a Bumble Bee with a doorbell?

A: A Real Hum-dinger.


Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?

A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

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