THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, September 26th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

Most of my co-workers ordered in some Chinese food for lunch of Friday. I asked them if I could have all of their fortunes that they had freed before devouring the many fortune cookies included with their lunchtime feast.

The best part of reading the fortunes is, definitely not the feeling of false empowerment courtesy of the lame and random pearls of wisdom which they hold, it's the chance to add the words "...in bed" at the end of every brief manufactured piece of advice printed on those tiny slips of paper.

Here are a few of the gems that turned up last week and remember, just add "...in bed" and these pseudo-astute suggestions really take on a whole new meaning.

1. You desire to discover new frontiers...

2. Appearances are often deceiving...

3. You can work both alone or with others...

4. The best teacher is also a student...

5. You are admired from afar...

6. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst...

7. Be prepared to apologize for a misunderstanding. You will end up ahead...

8. You will soon bring joy to someone...

9. Your sense of humor will soon cheer up a friend...

10. Someone thinks you are wonderfully mysterious...

See what I mean, it's fun! And remember, the next time someone insults you, fail to notice it. You will show more class for doing so...in bed.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

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*-- The Ultimate Password --*
During a recent password audit by Microsoft & Google, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

(Joke submission courtesy of Jokacc)

*-- An Irish Wedding --*
At the wedding reception someone yelled...

"Would all the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made their life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

(Joke submission courtesy of BBIX34)

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you call a story told by a giraffe?

A: A tall tale!


Q: Why is fabric softener so popular?

A: It makes people ex-static.

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