THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, August 1st 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

We got to gabbing here at the office and, as usually, the topic was sex.

We were trying to come up with a few examples, around 10 or so, of some of the worst responses ever utter to the ultimate question: Do you want to have sex? As usual we went above and beyond and came up with 20. Enjoy!

1. What, with you?
2. Why? What did I do?
3. Only if it's your birthday day.
4. Oh, hell froze over?
5. I'm not drunk enough.
6. Again?
7. Trust me, in your case, practice will not make perfect.
8. Why? We just did it last month.
9. Do we have to take our clothes off?
10. Why? We're married.
11. We can't. The dogs will watch us.
12. Well, I do enjoy doing charity work.
13. Can't we just be friends.
14. Well, if we do, what do I get out of it?
15. Can I bring a friend?
16. Do you really need me for that?
17. Sure, I've got a free minute.
18. Sure, I could use a laugh.
19. Please stop, you're embarrassing yourself.
20. Do what you need to do just don't wake me up?

How many of these have you heard?

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

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*-- What Happened? --*
A snail was crossing the road and got run over by a turtle. The snail's friends picked him up and dusted him off. They asked him what happened. The snail replied, "I didn't see a thing, it all happened so fast."

(Joke courtesy of Brian. Classic stuff!)

*-- Fido Says... --*
A man has a talking dog and goes to see a talent agent.

The agent tells the man that he just hasn't got any time for stupid dog tricks. But the man is insistent and finally convinces the agent to give him and his dog a chance to prove that the dog is really worth the agent's time. The agent says, "OK but that mutt better be good or I am going to bounce both your butts out the door like a cheap beach ball."

So the man proceeds and tells his dog to sit; then he asks him "Fido, what is on the top of a house?" and Fido says, "ROOF ROOF". Then he asks, "Fido how is sandpaper" and Fido replies, "RUFF RUFF". Finally he asks the dog "Who was the greatest New York Yankee of all time?" to which Fido replies, "RUTH RUTH". At this point the agent has his security guard grab both of them by the scruffs of their necks and toss them out into the street. They get up and the man dusts himself off while the dog gives a good shake and says to his master with a sneer in his voice, "Who should I have said - DiMaggio?"

(Joke courtesy of Dennis. Thanks.)

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you get when you cross a wolf with a ceramicist?

A: A hairy potter.

Q: What does the gorilla call his girlfriend?

A: His prime mate.

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