THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, April 23rd 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

Stacy and I bought a brand-new car a few weeks ago and I just have to say, I'm having a little trouble getting used to it.

I've never had a new car before. All of my past vehicles have been used... or really used. Since our purchase the transition has been a bit difficult because I am unfamiliar with new car etiquette. Ya see, when you get a new car (I just went all Bill Cosby for a second) you can't eat Jell-O pudding in it. Okay, when you get a new car apparently there are rules you must follow when driving or riding in the vehicle. Rules such as... you can't eat in it, you can't drink in it, you can't wear dirty shoes and or clothes in it, you can't transport animals (dry or wet) in it, and you certainly can't fart in it. Bummer, right?

I really think that people avoid such activities in order to preserve that wonderful "new car smell", because nothing says new car like "new car smell". That scent is the key to convincing yourself, but more importantly, others that your recent wheeled acquisition is indeed just off of the lot. The longer that captivating fragrance clings to the interior of that automobile you will be the topic of conversation and the envy of those around you. Hey, don't you think that "new car smell" would make a great cologne of perfume?

I guess there's not much I can do to get used to the car but cruise around hungry, thirsty, clean and full of gas. Well, I guess we'll just have to figure out who has the better gas mileage. I really hope it's the car.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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