THE DAILY GROANER - March 3, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

This winter has been really hard on most. It's been particularly hard on my hands. The mix of brutally cold weather and the simple act of washing my hands make for some of the most aggravating pain that's in full swing right now.

I can't avoid washing my hands, especially with a young kid. If he needs to be changed, fed, or bathed my hands are going to get wet in one way, shape, or form. It's gonna happen!

I've really tried to take measures to help my mitts. Mostly I've been rubbing in moisturizer whenever I can. It seems to help, but a think it might do more harm than good.

I put on so much lotion the other day that when I put my hand down and leaned on the kitchen counter I slid right off and fell down. It looked like a classic Kramer bit from 'Seinfeld'.

I'm okay now. The doctor said my head broke my fall. What?!?! PANCAKES!!!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you call a cow spying on another cow?

A: A steak out.


Q: What does a cow say when they sneeze?

A: Aaaahhh...AAAAhhh....AAAAHHHHMMMMMOOOOO!


*-- Are You Polish? --*
A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some "Polish Sausage". The clerk looked at him and asked, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says "Well, yes I am, but let me ask you something. If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya? Why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I asked for Polish Sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Where do you go if you want to go on a diet?

A: A paint store. You can get thinner there.


Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?

A: A milk dud.

***
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