THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Aug. 29th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

Here we are again. Ready for a new list of messages from fortune cookies that are even better when you add "...in bed" at the end?

Do you remember that we had played this game before? Well, we did?

Here's how it goes, in case it slipped your mind. Just add "...in bed" to the end of these mass-produced fraudulent recommendations and they really take on a whole new, hilarious meaning. Enjoy.

1. Your random act of kindness today will spread quickly to others...
2. People will find it difficult to resist your propositions...
3. Your perseverance will pay off soon...
4. Something special will happen at home soon...
5. You may accomplish more by being direct...
6. You will run into an old friend soon...
7. You are careful and systematic...
8. A secret adventure is in store for you...
9. The husband is the boss - if the wife allows...
10. Your talents will be recognized and rewarded...

It's always fun to take a good thing and make it better. Like putting butter on popcorn or sunglasses on a monkey.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just Click Here and hit the like button...

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Definitely NOT Best Dressed --*
Once upon a time an evil king captured a virgin princess and held her captive in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress.

"You'll never get away with this," she cried. "Some brave knight will rescue me!"

"Not in that thing," the evil king replied.

She waited day and night, but it was just as the king predicted. Every knight that saw her in the window of the high tower was scared away by her dress, which, as I've mentioned, was very disgusting.

After many months the princess broke down crying and the evil king taunted her, "You see? I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?

A: Sir Render.


Q: What kind of sandwich is Dracula afraid of?

A: A stake sandwich.


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why are most gorillas not interested in politics?

A: Because they are ape-olitical!


Q: What do they call a physiotherapist in Egypt?

A: A Cairopractor.

***
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