THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, October 24th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

The other night a black cat crossed my path. I'm not superstitious by any means, but I began to re-think my stance on the subject after I fell down the stairs, got a flat tire, split my drawers, bit my tongue, shrunk my clothes in the dryer, broke a window, peed my pants, twisted my ankle, burned my dinner, cut myself shaving, caused the toilet to overflow, hit my head on the kitchen table, was attacked by a foaming squirrel, dropped my keys into a fountain... you can see where I going with this.

After all of that I still believe that superstitions are a load of horse apples. You know what, screw that, I'm blaming that superstition causing fur-bag cat. Damn cats!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- Still A Virgin --*
Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a "Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit"... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Mario asks, "So, what do I do with these things, doc?

The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.

If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!", ...you hit her with the shovel.

(Jokes courtesy of Jokacc)

*-- What's in the Bag? --*
A salesman is driving toward home when he sees an guy thumbing for a ride on the side of the road. As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the hitchhiker gets in.

After a bit of small talk, the hitchhiker notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in the bag?", the hitchhiker asks the driver.

The driver says, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."

The hitchhiker is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the teacher write the lesson on the window?

A: He wanted it to be clear.


Q: What squeaks as it solves crimes?

A: Miami mice!

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