THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, June 4th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

Having a kid really gives you an education. Here are a few things that I've picked up in the first few weeks of parenthoodery.

1. My son apparently thinks everyday is Groundhog Day.
2. My son will suck down every bottle like he's never had one before.
3. My son burps like a drunk at last call.
4. Who knew that a baby could poop so much?
5. My son will sleep when he wants to, but not when I want him to.
6. Jack's crib is actually quite comfortable.
7. Jack still has that "new baby" smell.
8. Jack has the strongest "Kung-Fu Grip" ever.
9. When he smiles at me I think he's making fun of me.
10. He really likes Sam Cooke songs.

I'm learning more and more stuff everyday. This kid really keeps me on my toes. I'm certain that I'll have much more learning experiences to share in the future.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- Are We Poisonous Snakes? --*
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous snakes?"

The other replied, "You're darn right we're poisonous! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"

To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue."


*-- A Man Goes Into A Pet Store... --*
A man goes into a pet store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any dogs that go cheap?"

The salesman says, "No, we have birds that go cheep. Our dogs go BARK!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from jail?

A: He became a Small Medium At Large.


Q: What did the curtain say to the wall?

A: I'm tired of hanging around all day.

***
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