THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, April 30th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

Today is not my day. I forgot to shave half on my face this morning. So for most of the day I have been working with my left hand on the clean shaven side of my face.

When it came time to have lunch I decided to run to the bathroom and fix my problem. I brought a magic marker with me and decided to draw facial hair on the nude side of my face. It didn't look half bad... Oh, crap.

Well, it's PERMANENT MARKER! What am I going to do? I look like a 'Pirates of the Caribbean' reject. Why did I do this to myself? Because I don't work well under pressure, that's why!

Well, I guess I'll have to practice saying "Arrr, maties!"

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- I Think I'm A Dog --*
Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I think I am a dog."

Doctor: "Lie down on the couch."

Patient: "I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture."


*-- Funny Book Titles and Authors --*
"Home Maintenance"....by Duane Pipe

"Growing up in the Balkans".....by Hugo Slavia

"Irish Winter Tales".....by Pete Moss

"Increase Your Brain Power"....by Sarah Bellum

"Looking Into the Wishing Well"....by Eileen Dover

"How to Write a Mystery Novel"....by Page Turner

"I Got Away With Murder"....by Scott Free

"Winning Big".....by Jack Potts

"Vacation Spot in the Tropics"....by Sandy Beech

"I Always Enjoy the Darkness"....by Gladys Knight

(Submission from FunkyGQ)


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the computer need a jacket?

A: Because it kept freezing.


Q: Why did the elephants at the circus go on strike?

A: They were tired of working for peanuts.

***
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