THE DAILY GROANER - June 4, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

A classic column is located just below this sentence...

It's graduation time once again for all who thirst for the sweet nectar of knowledge. I remember all of my graduation ceremonies.

My eighth grade ceremony was long, boring and feverishly hot. I remember my mom's tears of pride and my dad yelling, "Get A Job," as I crossed the stage.

My high school ceremony was long, boring and steaming hot. My mom taking hundreds of pictures of me in my cap and gown. My dad once again yelling "Get A Job," as I crossed the stage and during the car ride home.

Finally, when I graduated from college I felt a true sense of accomplishment. My parents looking at me with such pride. My dad promised me that when I graduated from college he wouldn't yell out, "Get A Job," and he kept his word. Instead he yelled out, "Why did it take you five years to graduate?"

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- "Whatcha Doin?" --*
One day Timmy was in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decided to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.

"My goldfish died and I'm burying him," Timmy replied.

"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.

"That's because he's inside your cat!"


*-- What Is This? --*
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.

"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you call a cow with only 2 right legs?

A: Lean beef!


Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?

A: To get to the shell station.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives