THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, March 26th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

Here's a little something to make you think.

Why is imitation crab made out of white fish? And why do they need to imitate crabs anyway? Can't they just be proud of who they are? - Sonia

First off, I think that imitation anything is just plain goofy. If you don't want the real thing then why in the hell would you want the imitation of that particular thing that you didn't even want in the first place? It doesn't make sense. Whoever came up with marketing imitation crab for sale should be sued for false advertisement because they are really selling you white fish disguised as crab.

Secondly, who wants crabs in the first place? I sure don't. I never eat anything that makes me automatically think of VD. On a list of things I want crabs would be located at the bottom right next to an invasive prostate exam and watching "The Voice".

And finally, let me just say that I really appreciate your questions. It's great to hear from so many of you. I hope you enjoy reading the Daily Groaner as much as I do writing it.

And before I forget, I don't have a clue why imitation crab is made out of white fish, much like I don't have a clue why soy milk is considered milk. It doesn't contain ANY milk, but yet the word "MILK" is used. Why don't they just call it what it is, "Imitation Milk"?

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- You Should Drink Less --*
A guy walks into a bar and approaches the bartender, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"

"I'm sorry sir," the bartender replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"

"I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."


*-- You Had To Be A Big Shot... --*
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?

A: The juve-niles!


Q: What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne?

A: Sat down!

***
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