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THE DAILY GROANER - July 4, 2016

Good Morning Groanies,


I'm still recovering from the move. If you haven't noticed my goofs in the last issue, and in Celebrity Nooz, then you must be in a coma. You could see those mistakes from space. I apologize. So I've fixed the last column and here it is once again. Enjoy!

We have officially moved in! Thanks to organization, careful planning and a strong determination, my family and I have made the transition from one house to another as easy as it could be. It was only two days after the move that a weird thing happened...

When I let my house to come to work on Monday morning, I noticed that someone had thrown and hit my car with a donut. That's right, a donut!

Just one donut. One lonely donut. Not a box of donuts. Not two or even three dounts. Just one.

Why would someone do such a thing? Was it a mean neighbor welcoming us to the neighborhood? Was someone driving on by, took a bite, realized that this donut was a bit stale and chucked it out of the window? Or was it something as crazy as an upstanding member of the community was enjoying a donut while on his porch or during the trek to retrieve the newspaper when a hawk swooped down and clutched the donut in its razor-sharp talons and absconded with this breakfast pastry and once this predator of the skies discovered it was not a field mouse, rabbit or a slow-moving cat he dropped it for another member of the animal kingdom to dine on at their leisure?

I thought it tasted okay.


Groaningly yours,
Steve


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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Mirror, Mirror --*

Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror.

"This picture looks like someone I know," she says.

The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."



*-- Knitting Behind the Wheel --*

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs.

"No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"



*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: I have 3 heads, 5 legs, 7 arms and 444 fingers. What am I?

A: A liar.


Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?

A: Because the farmer had cold hands.

***

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