THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Sept. 21st 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

I saw a flier for a missing pet. It was for an old cat that seemed to have run off from one of the local businesses near the office. The owner offered a reward of $50 for the return of the cherished feline.

After I almost wrote "Wanted: Dead or Alive" on the flier I began to think, "If I went missing what would my wife offer up for my safe return?" So I decided to ask her...which was a good idea because if there was any person who'd know what my wife would offer as a reward for my safe return it would definitely be my lovely wife, Stacy.

Stacy told me, "Nothing. If you when missing I wouldn't put up fliers. I wouldn't look for you or ask around. And I certainly wouldn't offer up a reward."

"Why not?" I inquired.

She said, "Well, since we've be together if you're gone for any lengthy amount of time it usually means that you are in the bathroom. I'm just going with the odds."

And you know what? She's right! She knows me so well. Too well.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- Drunk and Looking to Fight --*
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

"I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa, go home, you're drunk.

*-- Bad Checks --*
A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station.

While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it with no problem: the police then waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check twice.

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What did the necktie say to the hat?

A: You go on a head. I'll hang around for awhile.


Q: Why did the deck of cards get in trouble?

A: The joker was wild.


Q: How do they fry their eggs in Never-Never-Land?

A: With a Peter Pan.

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