THE DAILY GROANER - December 29, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

I'm making a New Year's Resolution and I'm going to stick with it for as long as I possibly can. I'm making a stand. Or is it taking a stand?

Here's my resolution:

As of January 1st, I, Steve of the Daily Groaner, will hereby be more positive and not complain so much about the unfathomable stupidity of those goobers that can't help but do, talk, and perpetuate stupid crap that makes me want to bang my head on my desk until I blackout!

Hey, I still got three days complain. Please, don't judge me... and have a Happy New Year!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- What's Wrong With Me? --*
A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril and a cucumber in the other ear.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right."


*-- New Years Resolutions You Can Keep --*
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

Stop exercising. Waste of time.

Read less. Makes you think.

Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.

Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

Get in a whole NEW rut!

Personal goal: bring back disco.

Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.

Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.

Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

Get further in debt.

Break at least one traffic law.

Get wired with high-speed net connections at home.

Associate with even worse business clients.

Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.

Wait around for opportunity.

Focus on the faults of others.

Mope about my faults.

Never make New Year's resolutions again.


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the tadpole feel lonely?

A: Because he was newt to the area!


Q: What do Scottish toads play?

A: Hop-scotch!

***
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