THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Sept. 23rd 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

I saw a flier for a missing pet. It was for an old cat that seemed to have run off from one of the local businesses near the office. The owner offered a reward of $50 for the return of the cherished feline.

After I almost wrote "Wanted: Dead or Alive" on the flier I began to think, "If I went missing what would my wife offer up for my safe return?" So I decided to ask her...which was a good idea because if there was any person who'd know what my wife would offer as a reward for my safe return it would definitely be my lovely wife.

Stacy told me, "Nothing. If you when missing I wouldn't put up fliers. I wouldn't look for you or ask around. And I certainly wouldn't offer up a reward."

"Why not?" I inquired.

She said, "Well, since we've be together if you're gone for any lengthy amount of time it usually means that you are in the bathroom. I'm just going with the odds."

And you know what? She's right! She knows me so well. Too well.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Where Were You? --*
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.

When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?"

He replied, "Putting on my shoes!"


*-- Probably the Worst Joke Ever --*
Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.

Joe: How?

Tom: What colors are in the American flag?

Joe: Red, white and blue.

Tom: I told you I can make you say red.

Joe: You said purple!

Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: How do locomotives hear?

A: Through the engineers.


Q: Why is tennis such a loud game?

A: Because each player raises a racquet.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives