THE DAILY GROANER - February 11, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

I've noticed lately that when people are sick in public they tend to forget about common courtesy. It's true. If you're sick just do us all a favor and stay home.

Now I know when we get sick we feel miserable and it's hard to get through normal daily tasks without coughing, sneezing, barfing, sniffing, drooling, nose-blowing, moaning, groaning, or having to visit the bathroom for an emergency evacuation, but can you just have the decency to do all of those horrendous illness related activities the hell away from me or in your own domicile!

When someone gets sick why do they always feel the need to be right up on you to talk to you? Hey, Typhoid Mary, if you have something important to pass my way just email it or write it on a piece of paper, ball it up and chuck it on over. Just keep your Outbreak monkeyness out of my area. Thanks.

And if you have to blow your nose every five seconds and you're surrounded by snot riddled tissues that look like they came out of a mucus pinata then stay home. And wash your damn hands for crying out loud.

And if you can't stop sneezing due to allergies and you refuse to take anything to help to tame the violent motion and awful sound that you make because it makes you drowsy, well, do the world a favor and put on your PJs because you going to be unconscious faster than a narcoleptic security guard at the chloroform warehouse.

All I'm saying is just think about the people around you the next time you're feeling under the weather. And if you don't... well, I guess one way or another you're going to wind up in the hospital.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Not In the Pool --*
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."

"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!"


*-- Your Monkey Stole My Beer --*
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.

The man asks the bartender who owns the monkey. The bartender replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?

A: A zebra with a drumkit.


Q: What did the dryer say to the washer?

A: Let's go for a spin.

***
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