THE DAILY GROANER - January 20, 2016

Good Morning Groanies,

This is a column that I wrote a few years ago... I've added a few new elements to clearly express my mood towards today's subject... STARBUCKS!

I hate Starbucks and their coffee. Their coffee, if that's what you can call it, sucks! It tastes like crap, but that's all part of their plan, isn't it? They want the coffee to be so bad that it will get you, the unsuspecting customer, to purchase a beverage with a much more tolerable flavor and, naturally, an inflated price.

I did have their "regular" coffee years ago and it was so bad that I had to lick the bottom of my shoe to get that horrible taste out of my mouth. Which brings me to my list...

Here is a list of things that I would rather drink than Starbucks Coffee:

1. Soup Broth Cooked Up In A Bedpan
2. Water From A Faucet In Mexico
3. A Glass Of Milk That Has Been Sitting In The Sun For 6 Hours
4. Toilet Water From A Gas Station Bathroom
5. A Mug Of Dog Drool
6. Used Oil From A Deep Fryer
7. My Own Urine
8. Sweat From A Wrung-Out Pair Of Gym Socks
9. Stagnant Humidifier Water
10. Pickle Juice Filtered Thru A Pair Of Underwear Worn By A Hobo

All ten of those choices would be much more enjoyable than one sip of Starbucks Coffee. Come on, you know I'm right.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- He's Outside My Window! --*
It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming.

"Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"

The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.

"Where is he?" asked the receptionist.

"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.

The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment.

"It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"

"The dresser!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you call a chicken that crosses the road twice without taking a bath?

A: A dirty double crosser!


Q: What do you call a cow that has had a baby?

A: De-calfinated!


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What did the mother buffalo say to her child as he was leaving for school?

A: Bison!


Q: What STD do birds get?

A: Chirpies. It is a CARDINAL disease; and it is untweetable.

***
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