THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Nov. 6th 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

I waste so much energy. It's always with little things too. For instance, I was grocery shopping the other day and while I was at the deli counter I asked to get a 3/4 lb. of American Cheese. The very nice lady behind the counter asked me, "How do you want the cheese sliced?"

This is the point where my brain kicked into overdrive and I began to think of clever responses to the aforementioned question. Things like - "With your feet," "As slow as possible," "How can you ask me such a thing? I hardly know you," "With a karate chop," and "Haven't you cut the cheese before?"

I became so distracted by my own thoughts of absolute lunacy that I total forgot that I had cheese coming to me and simply walked away from the counter.

Hey, that wasn't as bad as later on when I left the cart full of groceries because I suddenly felt the urge to chase after a squirrel I saw. So I got problems. Who doesn't?

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Hilarious Puns: Part 1 --*
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."


*-- Smooth Operators --*
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on.

The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order."

The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order."

The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded."

The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on politicians."

The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked why.

The fourth surgeon replied, "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: How do you know if a restaurant has a clown as a chef?

A: When the food tastes funny.


Q: How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

A: Make him wear shoes.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives