THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Sept. 3rd, 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

This weekend Stacy and I finally got around to watching "The Hunger Games". It was better than I thought it was going to be! I enjoyed the acting, the action, and the socio-political plotline. However, I did have one big problem with the movie - well, really I should say that I had a problem with one of the previews.

As everyone and their mother knows, the final "Twilight" movie comes out this fall and there was a preview for it preceding the movie - much to Stacy's delight and my chagrin. It was 2 minutes of the most visually and thoroughly unappealing cinematic crap that I ever witnessed. After viewing it, I wanted to pour bleach in my eyes.

I still don't understand why these movies and books are so popular. I don't see the appeal of pasty faced, metrosexual, bloodsuckers chasing around CGI-ed labradoodles. It makes me sick that they have made millions of dollars. Although, that Taylor Lautner is one fine stud muffin. Right, ladies?

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Let's Pretend We're Married --*
A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves in the same sleeping compartment of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both managed to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leaned over and said, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man, with a glint in his eye, responded, "I've got a better idea...let's pretend we're married."

"Why not?" giggled the woman.

"Good," he said. "Now, go get your own blanket."


*-- A Drink Named After You --*
A grasshopper hops into a bar and jumps up on a barstool.

The bartender looks at him and starts laughing and says, "Hey! We got a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper gives the bartender a dirty look and says, "You got a drink named Hank?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: How do blonde braincells die?

A: Alone.


Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A: It takes too long to retrain them.

***
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