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THE DAILY GROANER - March 14, 2016

Good Morning Groanies,

My brother told me that he is currently searching for a new job. He asked me about, when creating a resume or filling out an application, what he should put down under "special skills". I drew a complete blank. But then when I thought back to my post-college days when I was on the job hunt...

Whenever I saw "special skills" on a job application I would always put down that if I strip down naked I would be able to count to 21.

I always hoped that the interviewer would never bring it up because I'm not a bragger, however it does come in handy every now and again, especially when I'm trying to calculate the tip at a restaurant.

I can also bark like a dog in Portuguese. I don't get to use that as often as you'd think. Oh, and I can arm-pit fart the theme song to "The Love Boat". That's right, I got skills!

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- The Wife Discussion --*

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.

One signs to the other, "Boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop!"

The other Buddy says, "When my wife goes off on me I just don't listen."

"How do you do that?" says the other.

"It's easy! I turn off the light!"

*-- The Bride Broom and the Groom Broom --*

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom."

"Impossible!" said the groom broom.

"We haven't even swept together!"

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why don't elephants go skinny dipping?

A: Because they can't get their trunks off!

Q: What trees do fortune tellers like?

A: Palm trees!


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