THE DAILY GROANER - April 15, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

I'm not much of a sports guy, but I'll watch a game or go to a game if given the opportunity; which reminds me... over the weekend, the entire office went over to the United Center for a Chicago Bulls game.

It was a great time. It's nice to get out and have a conversation with a co-worker that doesn't end in one threatening to throw a stapler at the other.

When it came to the game I was at a loss. I asked which team the Bulls were playing against and I was informed that it was indeed the "76ers" of Philadelphia. I then hastily announced, "Oh, the Bulls are going to crush those old bastards. Seventy-Six is a bit old to be playing basketball, isn't it? Well, I guess they are really good at dribbling..." And that type of humor went on and on for almost 45 minutes.

Finally, someone stopped me and said, "It's a tribute to the gallant men who forged this country's independence in 1776!"

"Hey, it's not my fault I can't see how old the players look from these seats!"

Needless to say I will not be asked to attend anymore games in the future. Great, because the next one was going to be a soccer game, or as I call it - running in shorts.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- The Drunk and the Fire Truck --*
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.

Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, "If that's the way you want it, you can keep your damn ice cream!"


*-- How Do I Leave? --*
A guy checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.

Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?"

The desk clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?"

The guy says, "Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried because it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk?

A: Nightmares!


Q: How do you get a horse drunk?

A: Drink him under the stable.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives