THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Nov. 2nd 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

I decided to clean-out the refrigerator at home and I discovered a relic from a meal of the past. It was a Tupperware container housing a hearty portion of some really really really really really old moldy spaghetti leftovers.

After a detail analysis I came to the conclusion that this expired grub must be throw out...before it wakes up, attacks me and tries to take over the entire town.

I'm just glad I found it and discarded it when I did because it looked like a toupee for Oscar the Grouch...plus it didn't taste all that good either. Just kidding...but not really.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- The Job Interview --*
A guy goes into the Army Chemical Center to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Okay, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 PM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 AM, and you might as well plan on starting at 10:00 AM every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

*-- The Blonde and the Milkman --*
A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?

A: Slippers!


Q: Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

A: To draw the curtains!

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