THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Nov. 21st 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

I have big news that I'd like to share with you today. My lovely wife Stacy and I will soon be the proud parents of a little girl or boy (It's too soon to tell). We're so excited!

That's right, folks. I'm going to be a dad. It's crazy, right? I'm going to be a someone's father. A little person will one day call me dad or daddy, maybe papa, pop-pop, poppity-poopity, chief, the old man, possibly daddy-o. I still can't believe it.

I'm really looking forward to little laughs, funny faces, cooing, walking, crawling, endless questions, hugs, high fives, temper tantrums, potty training, birthday parties, nap time, growing, school plays, watching cartoons, playing with toys, building forts, having tea parties, teaching, learning... all of it!

I'll put up with long sleepless nights and the most horrendously smelly diapers for just one second of any of those wonderful experiences that lie ahead of Stacy and me.

I love my wife more than I can explain and now it's even more so.

It's going to be an adventure and this is just the beginning.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- Where Are Your Glasses? --*
A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, "Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses."

"Well, I have contacts," the woman replied.

"Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer. "You're getting a ticket!"


*-- The Drive To Work --*
A man started a new job. At first he commuted alone, but soon decided to drive in with his colleagues.

Within a week, though, his wrists began to hurt severely. Oddly, the pain only occurred while they were driving through a tunnel. Finally, he saw a doctor.

His problem was diagnosed as carpool tunnel syndrome!


*-- Quick Question... --*
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.


Q: Why did the orange use suntan lotion?

A: It didn't want to peel.

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